Are you struggling with loneliness? Are you around people but feel alone? You got the "nobody understand me" blues?
Did you know that loneliness is the biggest cause of mental health difficulties?
Those who struggle with loneliness are more likely to be depressed, anxious and lack emotional/behavioral control. Our physical health also takes a plunge, too. When we are lonely, we ignore basic medical issues and are more prone to engage in self destructive behaviors which lead to unhealthy lifestyles.
What fosters healthy humans?
Would you believe it's being yourself...like the real authentic version of you. Take the traditional meaning of authentic;
it is any work of art that is an original.
Being an original means having the ability to be who you are-not who your family and community wants you to be. No knock offs, fakes or phonies allowed.
What does it take to embrace the authentic/originality approach?
Courage, reflection and acceptance...and then repeat. Learning and facing our fears is unnatural and often weirdly superficial at first. It's okay, expect to feel awkward if you haven't practiced it. Start with reflecting and accepting-
Your thoughts
Your feelings
Your ideas
Your opinions
Your likes and dislikes
Your fears
Your personal values and what you value in others
Your flaws and faults
Your strengths and dreams
Your beliefs and convictions
You need to feel comfortable telling others when their behavior impacts you in a negative or positive way.
People who are already practicing authenticity can be described as
Having a realistic perception of reality
Being accepting of self and others
Being thoughtful
Expressing emotions freely and clearly
Being open to learning from mistakes
But hey...maybe you feel like the safe bet is the knock off version of you...Why bore them with all that originality?
Because you will feel empty and disconnected when there is no authenticity. You will wonder what if they knew...what if they find out... Because it's exhausting to pretend. Because you spend so much time in an altered state that no one belongs to. And ultimately you will attract knock offs, fakes and phonies...
Again, leaving you feeling alone, disconnected with a high risk of an unhealthy lifestyle.
Want to avoid all that drama??
Then you should take a look in the mirror and own your part of failed or failing relationships? Maybe blaming others was a quick fix but you must want more (that's why you are still reading this blog).
You gotta do the hard part now... take off the fake glasses and mustache.
The knock off version of your story is not the connector...I promise...Sure it's the really safe way to be because there is no real risk of rejection. But if you want someone to get you, to fully accept you, to finally feel emotionally safe...the risk is worth it.
Save the knock off version for the people who you have to interact with...that friend who is a gossip but is so fun to meet up with during the holidays, the co-worker with attitude, or the family member who you can't wait to escape.
But let's be real...we all value the people who are trustworthy, not false or phony. Don't you just love a person who stands up for what they believe in and can speak their truth even when it's not popular. It's inspiring and brave!
Unfortunately, it's not like a prime package, it's not going to happen overnight. You just have to be patient with the process, you have to do the work. No one can do this work for you.
So let's break down the possible steps/process to the becoming authentic:
Go back to he beginning of your story, the real uncut version. Figure out how much you have grown, how you got to where you are today and how much you still need for personal growth.
Get curious with yourself...spend time working on you. That means carve out time for yourself to reflect on those emotional moments, journaling and reading about things that inspire you.
Own it by committing yourself to the wonderful world of accepting face values.
Explore what might be blocking you from expressing yourself.
Face your fears...be okay with not hearing what you want to hear.
Be okay with others not feeling this new authentic lifestyle.
Be transparent. If you know, share it, if you don't know something, claim it.
Let's review this again...
For basic human connections and to experience a deeper meaningful relationship with others you have to embrace your originality. Basically for more joy, happiness and a healthier lifestyle you need to find your true self and then share it.
Why do psychotherapists spend so much time on the importance of knowing yourself, embracing your journey, exploration of values, and setting goals?
Because we know that once you stop fighting for happiness through the illusion of perfection; you can appreciate the originality and beauty of your master piece for peace.
Feeling overwhelmed or need help finding your true authentic self... seek a therapist. It's what we love... It's our overall mission. Plus there's the added benefit of practicing and learning on us before ditching the phony glasses and fake mustache.